Thoughts

From Jose

Thank you for your many emails and texts of condolences for the loss of my beloved Matilda. I would like to say that I am ready to move on but that is not the case.  We were so close and she left so suddenly and unexpectedly. Yesterday I thought I was doing OK.  Then we arrived at a new campground and I remembered how happy and excited she was to check out a new place, and that made me very sad. I know someday time will do its magic and I will be happy again, but not yet.  I miss her painfully .

What follows are some stories and thoughts that have come to mind since Matilda passed. I initially wrote them for my own use but some of the readers who were not lucky enough to meet her personally might get an idea of her unique personality. Sorry if it's too mushy. Too bad. To quote my brother Cris, "she was a exploring, happy dog". If any reader has something to add to my thoughts please add a comment or email me. My brother Cris has a cool story about him and Matilda climbing a hill at Carmel Junction.  Would you share it with us, Cris? Thanks Diane, Edwin and Lynne for some of the pictures. 

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Life (and death) is so not fair. How can someone so full of life like Matilda die?  It's not fair.

From the first time Matilda saw me, the day I went to pick her up at my niece's, she knew she was mine. There was no introduction needed. No getting to know each other. When it was time to go she got right in my car like she had been doing it all her life.

Matilda and I had a very tight spiritual communication. We were so in tune with each other. I think if she was a low key dog that just laid there out of the way I would not miss her so much. But she was so intense, so busy, always on a mission, always wanting to be part of whatever I was doing, that now anything I do brings back memories of her and devastating sadness.

Matilda's contagious spirit of adventure was a big part of the reason I decided to undertake this trip. 

Matilda was truly an exceptional dog. It's hard to imagine life without her. I will be lucky to someday find a dog half as smart as her, or that will be so much a part of my soul.

Every time I came back from a store with packages she asked to sniff each bag, as if to see if any of them had something for her.  I just brought the bags down to her level and she sniffed each one.  When she was satisfied she looked at me, which meant she was finished. But if any of the bags contained something for her, even if it was something not normally meant as a dog toy or treat, just something I bought with her in mind, she would know it and get really excited.

On Jan 16, her last full day, we were at the southeasternmost point of the US in Key West when a guy on a bicycle stopped near us.  Matilda immediately went towards him, paying a lot of attention to him.  I commented to the guy "she really likes you, she's not usually this friendly to strangers".  He pulled a  bag of treats from his bicycle basket and said "maybe it's these".  We all got a laugh from that, but she he did not get a treat that time.

Earlier in the trip, in Aberdeen, WA,  I was taking her for a walk in a Walmart parking lot when a lady came the other way.  Matilda approached her and I pulled Matilda back saying, "no Matilda. She does not have any treats for you".  The lady said "oh, but I do. I have dogs also and always have treats in my pocket".  And Matilda did get a treat that time, which made her very happy.

Sometimes when the four of us were out on a walk (Diane, Maguire, Matilda and I)  I would need to go someplace by myself (to a campground office, etc).  I would leave Matilda with Diane telling Matilda "you stay with Diane"  which she understood perfectly. When I had finished whatever I needed to do and approached the group Matilda would recognize me from very far and get excited to see me. Sometimes Diane would encourage her saying "there's your papa! ".  Sometimes Diane would then turn Matilda loose to run and meet me, which Matilda enjoyed very much.

Commands she knew :
Stay (voice and hand signal)
Sit
Come
Lay down
Go around (when she clotheslined me or a pole)
You stay with...
You go with...

Actually she did not know lots of commands like some other dogs do. And in any case, even if she knew a command she would do it only if she wanted to. But most of all she understood hand signals and body language. For example, when I woke up in the morning I signaled her to stay up on our (Matilda and i) bed above the cab until Diane started waking up on her sofabed. Then I alerted Diane to watch her legs and signaled Matilda to jump down to Diane's bed and from there to the floor. I just had to point to Matilda and then to the floor. But after a while Matilda learned that when I alerted Diane it was time to come down and she did not wait for my command.

Matilda cleaned up her food bowl very thoroughly and Maguire not so much. So when they were both finished eating we gave Maguire's bowl to Matilda to clean up. A few times when I was busy or forgot to give her Maguire's bowl, Matilda would get her front paws on the bed where Maguire ate to reach the bowl and clean it up. But she never bothered Maguire while he was still eating.

Matilda knew that she was going to get some of whatever I was eating (of course unless it was something that dogs are not supposed to eat, like chocolate, grapes, etc) . So anytime I was eating anything she was right there patiently waiting for her share. She was not an aggressive begger, she just sat there and drooled and stared at each bite as it went into my mouth. Even after I gave her some, as long as there was any left she begged.  She always got the last little bite. And she always felt like the most important dog in the world because she got a treat.

She loved to fetch.  Inside the house I often liked to throw her toy behind a chair, on a ledge or somewhere that would make her have to think how to solve the problem. On the few occasions when she just could not figure it out she would look at me asking for help. I would tell her how to solve it without actually doing it for her.  I would tell her in plain English, pointing out the steps, "You climb here first and then put your leg there and climb there. Now you do it".  She would always "get it" and follow the instructions. Then she would be very proud of herself. And she would never need help with that particular situation again, she would remember how to solve it.

She had a special way to tell me she wanted something.  She would look at me, then look at whatever she wanted, then look again at me and then again at the object of her desire, and so on. If I did not react to her satisfaction she would change her position slightly, such as taking a quick step forward. By that time I could not resist anymore and gave her whatever she wanted (usually treats ) .

Matilda did not mind the rain.  When it was time for Matilda and Maguire to go outside and it was drizzling, Maguire (aka Twinkle Toes) was hesitant to go out. Matilda did not care. She was ready to go out rain or shine.

One of Matilda's favorite places was a primitive campsite next to a creek near Carmel Junction.  There is a place where you can pull off the main road and camp next to a creek. Matilda and I went there many times, with Diane and Maguire, with Carey and Maggie, with my brother Cris or just Matilda and I. As soon  as I pulled off the main road she recognized the location and started whining with excitement. As soon as we arrived she would be the first one out and running towards the creek. She always returned a few minutes later sopping wet from jumping in the creek. I did not like her being in the creek by herself but there never was a problem.

She loved squirrels and stuffed toys.  She destroyed stuffed toys with great determination within seconds. She never caught a squirrel that I know of but she was at Patty's fenced yard in the company of many squirrels up on  the trees.  She kept good watch on the squirrels.

When we were driving Matilda's usual spot was on the sofa bed behind the driver looking over the driver's shoulder. Many times she would be shaking.  I never really found out why she was shaking but Diane once held Matilda tight and that stopped the shaking. Matilda rarely wanted to get on the driver or passenger's lap.  She was not a lap dog and not much of a snuggler either.

On her last days she stopped eating but when offered food she showed enthusiasm but just could not eat. Similarly on her last day I took her for a walk and there was a cat nearby. Her reaction was same as always, she wanted to go see if the cat wanted to play. And on the way into the vet's office for her final visit Matilda found and ate something crunchy (a chicken bone?) in the parking lot. Her spirit never left her.

I hope that I was as good a dad to Matilda as she deserved. She truly was an amazing dog. I admired her and miss her every second of the day.